I promise not be morose in every post for this month. But mum’s imminent demise is playing on my mind…
I’ve never watched anyone die before. It’s not a pretty sight. I’ve heard that it’s a privilege to be with someone at the end of their life. I hope this is true.
Mum has been in and out of a delirious state the past two days. I spoke to her doctor this evening who said the delirium is most likely related to an infection of some type and that infections are likely to become more frequent over the coming weeks.
Yesterday mum looked me in the eye and said, “Are you expecting a baby? Someone’s expecting a baby.”
Nobody we know is expecting a baby…
I asked her doctor how much time she felt mum has left and she indicated that her time is unlikely to be measured in months. But then again, a stubborn streak runs in my family and we can hang on for a long, long time. Most of my great aunts survived well into their nineties. But at the moment my greatest hope is that perhaps mum will see Christmas.
Which leaves me with two dilemmas. Firstly, do I invite all the relatives to come down as soon as possible? Do people want to be told she’s dying? Do they want to come and see her? I’ve spoken to a couple of people and I never know if I’m sounding like a drama queen or doing the right thing. And will mum even recognise them by next week? She may become completely lucid again. But she may not.
And my second dilemma is how much should I involve the children? Should I bring them over every few days to slowly witness her decline? Should I let them be there at the very end if that is possible? I have a romantic picture in my head of her being surrounded by her children and grandchildren at the moment of her death. But is that a reality? Should I subject the children to such an experience? I just don’t know.
For now I’m taking every day one at a time and hoping to be led by those more knowledgable than I. But I’ve also noticed that everyone in the family looks to me for guidance. I ring the carers, the family, the friends. I organise everything. For everyone. I’m not sure how much to involve others… Or how much time she has.